She was a broad-beamed, bouncy, beautiful, brown as a berry bumpkin belle from Barnstable. In love with the constable.
A flat footed, bing booted, broad chested, ham fisted, constable, in Barnstable,
And together they would sport and play,
And chase each other through the hay, ay, ay, ay fields
She said "don't you dare,
You dirty dashing devil don't you dare, chase me there"
And he cavorting, snarling, snorting, heaving, peeping at her underwear
The devil may care.
"I'm an ordinary country girl and you set my heart in a whirl.
With your whiskery face and the strap under your chin
You're a regular disgrace, I think I'm ready to give in."

"No I've got me job to do, I've got to be off to wash and scrub the floors of a toff in Barnstable. He's very amenable.
He pats me bottom ever so wary he says my dear I think you're very suitable, in Barnstable.
But his lady wife is not so keen, she says I should be heard not seen there.
That's ever since she caught her spouse,
Chasing me with his trousers down in the east wing, "most embarrassing."
And then there was the night she found him lying in wait in the cupboard in the west wing
"Most embarrassing."
And she never will forget the day, when she overheard him say
"I'd forfeit all me titles if only she'd give in,
She's torturing me vitals I think I'm ready for a gin."

Well what are we going to do with her, she's setting everyone's heart a stir in Barnstable. Especially the constable.
The fireman's going off his head, and the baker's he puts nails in the bread for the constable, in Barnstable.
Whenever she passes by,
Everybody stops to sigh and stare.
Now the vicar's in a hell of a stew,
He can't take his eye off a certain pew in evensong, ding dong.
The choir boys forget to sing and the deacon he forgets to ring the ding dong,
At evensong.
And they never will forget the day, when the vicar knelt down to pray.
"Thy kingdom come on earth below, thy will be done within
Thy kingdom's in the second row oh Lord please let me in."

Well alas this jolly state of affairs was just too much for the women to bear in Barnstable. Most regrettable.
The women's institute they avowed "The likes of her should be expelled from Barnstable, Most regrettable."
And so it was upon that day, the constable he took her away from there.
And off they went together on their bicycles through the heather, to another town, Where they can settle down.
And he can join the constabulary and she could raise a family in another town.
Where they could settle down.
And I have often heard it say that to this very day.
Once a year in Barnstable a strange event takes place,
The men all leave their wives bedside and the vicar forgets his grace.
And off they go into the night, and when they return in the morning light,
It takes their wives a year to wipe the smile from off their face. !!